7) You Married a Toddler with Bills: When Narcissistic Men Throw Tantrums

Ever met a man who looks like an adult but argues like a toddler? 

In this episode of Fk Your Fake Apology**, Crystal The Psych NP breaks down the truth about narcissistic immaturity — the tantrums, the public humiliation, and the emotional chaos disguised as love. Through dark humor and psychological insight, she exposes how emotional toddlers hide behind charm, deflect accountability, and weaponize embarrassment to keep control. 

Download the FREE  Red Flag Checklist: 

https://stan.store/Crystal_the_Psych_NP/p/the-red-flag-checklist-m2u4jdo9

Your free guide to identifying narcissistic immaturity, emotional manipulation, and toxic relationship patterns. 

What You’ll Learn 

• Why narcissists behave like emotional children in adult bodies 

• How public disrespect is used to break your confidence 

• The connection between ego fragility and control 

• How to stop normalizing emotional chaos 

• What true emotional maturity looks like in a partner 

Sound Bites 

“You didn’t marry a man — you adopted one with an ego problem.” 

“Love doesn’t embarrass you to prove a point.” 

“Emotional maturity is sexy. Manipulation is not.” 

Chapters 

00:00 – When Humor Hides Hurt 

04:58 – The Narcissist’s Emotional Regression 

09:40 – Public Disrespect as Control 

13:22 – The Psychology Behind Immaturity 

18:11 – Healing from Humiliation 

Disclaimer 

F**K YOUR FAKE APOLOGY* is intended for educational and informational purposes only. The content of this podcast is based on personal experiences, psychological insights, and general knowledge about narcissistic abuse and toxic relationships. This podcast is not a substitute for professional therapy, legal, or medical advice. If you are in an abusive situation, please seek support from a licensed professional or a trusted resource. Some topics discussed may be triggering. Listener discretion is advised. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please reach out to a crisis hotline or emergency services. Your safety and well-being are the top priority.

This podcast includes storytelling inspired by real experiences, but names, locations, and details have been changed for privacy and creative purposes. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

© |2025| Unapologetic Living LLC. All rights reserved. Unauthorized reproduction, distribution, or use of any part of this podcast without express written permission is strictly prohibited.

Keywords: narcissism, emotional immaturity, public humiliation, toxic relationships, narcissistic rage, manipulation, trauma response, emotional abuse

Transcript

0:00

my husband told our neighbors to quote unquote get the fuck out of my house humiliated me in front of my own mother on Super Bowl night and started calling college kids he used to coach whenever he got drunk then he took our baby to a baseball game drank and tried to smooth it over with a Louis Vuitton wallet tonight it all escalates the mask slips in public the apologies get cheaper and my birthday dinner ends with a 400 dollar tantrum and me riding home in silence I sat in the back seat next to my sleeping daughter while he drove angry and all I could think was happy fucking birthday to me this is the episode where Celebration turns into clarity hey Queens and warriors welcome back to fuck your fake apology I'm Crystal your big bold sister with the psych expertise and today we're diving into one of the messiest chapters yet in Vanessa's story with Mr Charming if you thought the booger buffet was bad buckle up because tonight it's booze belligerence and birthday disasters this man managed to turn every special moment into a nightmare from drunk phone calls with teenagers he used to coach to humiliating Vanessa in front of her mother to blowing up what should have been a romantic steakhouse dinner by the end of this episode you're gonna understand why Vanessa stopped seeing him as her husband and started seeing him as a roommate she just happened to share a child with so grab your tea wine or flower because you're gonna need something to sip or smoke while we unpack this chaos I didn't just see him do it again did I let me give you up some back story about a year or two in our relationship I thought I saw Mister Charming pick his nose and eat it yes eat it I was standing in the doorway frozen watching him like please tell me I didn't just see that I stood there silent waiting my stomach turning finally I asked did you just pick your nose and eat it he spun around fast and shot back no I was just moistening my nostrils moistening his nostrils with spit girl that man didn't moisturize a damn thing he's out here eating appetizers straight from his face I had never in my life heard something so ridiculous I was disgusted suddenly flashbacks rushed in him cooking touching food kissing me my God was there snot on everything the nausea that hit me was unreal over the next week I became a detective watching waiting hoping maybe I was wrong but nope I caught him again and again the final straw came one night in bed he was snoring like a dying bear loud non stop I roll over irritated as hell and there it is half asleep finger in nose straight to mouth congratulations sis you married a toddler with bills I couldn't take it anymore I grabbed my pillow my phone the baby monitor and moved myself into the guest room and let me tell you that was second most peaceful sleep I had in forever the Four Seasons still holds the crown but this one was close after that the guest room became my sanctuary I just couldn't bear the thought of seeing that again and the bonus no more snoring but that's not was just the start because on top of being Mr Nose Buffet this man was also a drunk random binge nights pounding eight IPAs in a few hours until he was belligerent and when he was drunk you know what he do call old high school students he used to coach kids who are now like 19 he'd gossip with them about their old teammates and friends I always thought it was weird inappropriate whenever I said something he'd clap back these kids love me their parents love me I helped them get scholarships I was the best coach they ever had I'm continuing to mentor them mentor them by drunk dialing and talking shit please the irony his so called favorite player was best friends with the kid he couldn't stand and let's call him Frank any logical person would know that favorite kid was gonna tell Frank everything and one night Frank's father who's big in commercial real estate calls Mr Charming I had never seen him so scared shaking voice trembling I thought finally here it is he'll stand up like the tough guy he pretends to be nope Frank's father put him in his place I told him to keep his son's name out of his mouth and Mister Charming he stammered dude I don't know what you're talking about Frank's father cut him down real quick I'm not your dude I'm not your bro keep my son's name out of your damn mouth end of conversation and as soon as the call ended Mr Charming muttered asshole not so tough when daddy moneybags calls huh big bad bully turns into a scared little boy real quick that moment confirmed everything I already knew he was just a coward and this wasn't just with Frank's dad he had a whole routine he get drunk and call his two best friends so called friends from college guys who never once reached out to him not once but there he'd be outside for hours yelling into the phone drunk as hell and get this he asked one of them to be the godfather of our daughter a man he hadn't seen since college only ever spoke to when drunk godfather to our baby meanwhile he couldn't be bothered to spend time with me he was always too tired except for drinking and screaming into the phone until midnight I knew exactly where his priorities were and it wasn't with me by then I was convinced Mister Charming was just my roommate we happen to share a child so I got bored and I figured it's time to travel I started researching where my Amex points would take me square deal Europe business class of course I wanted to go with my mom my daughter and my best friend I knew we'd have a blast but being the wife I was I told him my plans and asked if he wanted to go secretly praying he'd say no of course he didn't so I booked the flights anyway asked my mom to come because I figured she and her partner could enjoy sightseeing during the day and watch the baby at night perfect plan if I had a husband who wanted to actually spend time with me it would have been even better but that wasn't my reality I thought maybe just maybe he'll take me out you know a nice dinner while in Europe if not whatever I need to leave the country I need to start seeing the world with my daughter he showed no emotion about the trip no excitement no interest I tried to include him in my hotel search he didn't care so I found them booked them paid with my money everything set countdown 7 months and then January 6 happened most of us remember that as a dark day in America he called himself woke socially Liberal physically conservative meanwhile our neighbors Ted and Sadie an older couple I've known before him were sweet people we'd have little cocktail nights talk about life they were nice different political views yes but that didn't bother me it sure bothered him one day in February Sadie reached out to have a cocktail night with the men I told him about it he agreed and then muttered I'm going to make them so uncomfortable those fucking Trumpers I had no idea what he meant I ignored it I just wanted to be around people other than him the day comes he's drinking before they even arrive I made some small plates Sadie brought a few dishes everyone's laughing drinking having a good time and then out of nowhere he goes so what do you think about George Floyd oh no not at the dinner table he's really about to ruin the vibe with Fox News commentary my stomach dropped I looked at him like what the hell are you doing Ted's face changes Sadie goes who's that and Mister Charming condescending as hell chuckles you don't know who George Floyd is really she says oh yeah that was very unfortunate and he fires back for who the energy in my kitchen turned to ice I was trembling speechless and then he purposely brings up January 6th to two people he knows probably feel the exact opposite as him he wanted to start a fight Ted tries to keep things calm Sadie she's a trauma nurse she sees it all she wasn't fazed she stood her ground and he kept pushing and then he screamed get the fuck out my house I was beyond shocked embarrassed mortified he storms upstairs I stayed apologizing to my neighbors all of us just stunned then from the upstairs balcony he screams again what the fuck are you still doing here I said get out so I helped them pack up walked them out apologized again Ted told me you don't need to apologize for his behavior it's not your responsibility and later that night Sadie texted me are you okay if you ever need a safe place come right over finally someone saw him for who he really was and when I was upstairs later he was lying in bed smug he said ha I told you I'd put those Trumpers in their place Vanessa do you really think they care about us if there was a coup he'd sent lunatics right to our house fuck them we don't need their friendship I showered put on perfume and pajamas and went to my room the guest room my new quarters I called my mom then my dad and told them what happened their reaction wow that was the only word and my mom added oh god Vanessa do you think he's gonna act up on our trip I can just see him getting drunk and arrested in Europe and I thought damn she might be right the next morning I wake up to the baby's cries I'm tending to her and he's sitting in the family room watching the news drinking his coffee I say good morning with the baby in my arms he ignores me so I say it again louder with a little extra fake cheer good morning he looks up at me that familiar face the combo of anger and annoyance and mumbles morning before going back to scrolling through his phone here we go again I know what's coming he's gonna twist last night into my fault he'll say I should have had his back that I wasn't loyal enough same old script so I take the baby to her room to feed her and sure enough he opens the door he's standing there smug and says last night was pretty funny their faces were priceless right I keep my eyes on the baby and just say yeah then he comes closer who the fuck do they think they are coming into my house to disrespect me and my family anyway now I'm thinking what the hell is this nut talking about he started the whole thing then he says it it would have been nice if you had my back a little you just sat there if you loved me you would have helped me prove my point I sat in silence trying to figure out the safest answer he's obsessed with unconditional love and loyalty god forbid I call out his bad behavior so I just said I'm sorry babe I was pretty tipsy last night but you did a good job you really stood up to them like you said you would and he smiled satisfied left the room girl you just gave an Academy Award performance for Best Wife in a hostage situation that wasn't love that was survival we went on with the day like nothing happened pretending everything was normal then came the Super Bowl I asked my mom to come over to watch she agreed though I could tell she was hesitant she ordered pizza and wings and we settled we settled in the family room baby girl was asleep the game was tight and we were glued to the TV I was bantering with him about a play being reviewed and he suddenly snapped this is why I don't like fucking watching anything with you god I felt invisible shield slam up I sat still avoiding eye contact with my mom I couldn't believe he just gone off like that in front of her he stormed off to the bedroom and slammed the door my mom turned to me and said what the hell was that and I I covered he's just really passionate about the game and the fact that his team is losing isn't helping we stayed finished the game TV volume the same as he left it then he comes out of the bedroom onto the balcony and yells can you turn down the damn TV I said no and he screamed go fuck yourself before slamming the door again I was so done no words just silence at that point I secretly called his mom I told her everything about the night I took the baby to the hotel about our lack of intimacy about the constant disrespect and what had just happened in front of my mom her response floored me she said well this is very bad too early in your marriage but I don't think he knows who he is as an individual I'm surprised to see how much time he spends with the baby it's just not his personality it makes me wonder then she dropped the real bomb there were several times my husband had to hold me back from attacking him my son even had to pull a knife on him once during a fight oh so this ain't new this man was built in a toxic factory and they just let him out into society I was shocked they knew their son was a monster and now he'd become mine she said Vanessa do what's best for you and the baby maybe you need some time apart and then invited me and the baby to spend the weekend at their country house I jumped on it I told her we'd be there next weekend when I told him of course he didn't mind why would he he'd have the house to himself free to drink all he wanted the week leading up to the trip he was suddenly so nice of course he was he didn't want me running back to mommy and daddy with the truth so I packed the car drove off for our break from Mister Charming but instead of peace he blew up my phone constantly calling facetiming even getting pissed when the baby didn't give him the attention on a call he hung up on me once over it his dad excused it he's just jealous he's not here he sees you having a good time that's all during that trip I bonded with his mom we stayed up late chatting I asked her how have you made your marriage work so long she said you have to choose your battles sweetie we used to go at it but I Learned most of the time it wasn't worth it I had to ask because I was seeing the same streak of behavior in her husband that her son had not as extreme but little digs subtle corrections status chasing he never did it to me though I think he knew I wouldn't tolerate the bullshit the weekend was actually great I felt free for a moment but I dreaded coming back home thankfully I had something to look forward to my half sister from Spain was coming for 10 days call her my big sister I was so excited her flight changed to another airport and I couldn't pick her up because of work so I ordered a car to drop her to the house and asked Mister Charming to meet her outside when it arrived I watched from my office he walked in first followed by her dragging her bags he didn't even help her whatever she was here and I was so happy for the first few nights he was distant almost jealous of our fun while me and my sister stayed up talking he'd go upstairs alone two days I couldn't get off work so he took her and the baby out probably just to get free help but still I appreciated it when I was done with work I planned outings Napa LA hikes restaurants we had a blast she bonded with the baby sang nursery rhymes in Spanish took walks we even got invited to the in laws country house again perfect no Mister Charming my sister loved it she even said Vanessa your in laws are good people you're lucky and yeah they were better than him that's for sure one night out she asked me Vanessa are you happy you just don't seem like yourself and I froze how do you answer that I mumbled something about adjusting to marriage and motherhood but I knew the truth we came back and as soon as it was time for her to fly home I drove her to LA and we had dinner at sir because she was hooked on Beverly Hills Housewives we laughed but the pit in my stomach grew the next day at the airport I gave her a big hug and cried the whole way home because for those 10 days I felt normal again alive and now I had to go back home to hell so after my sister left I was heartbroken that taste of normalcy gone I got home hugged my baby girl tight and tried to settle back into reality and then he tells me he bought tickets for a baseball game the next day and he was taking the baby it was his day with her so I said OK hope she lasts out there the next day I'm working and he's sending me pictures of the baby napping in the car on the way the field was about an hour from the house then he's texting me updates from the game and then silence so I call him he answers and I hear it that voice his drunk voice see I knew it you can always tell when a man's been drinking the voice gets heavy like his dignity I call again he hangs up on me that's what he does that's what he does when he's drunk now I'm freaking out he's drunk he's got our baby and he's an hour from home I check the Tesla app I can control the air so the car is nice and cool by the time they arrive to it and then coincidence his father texts us both I reply he calls me I tell him your son is drunk at the baseball game with the baby he has to drive her about an hour home his dad says he'll call him and of course no answer then his dad calls me back Vanessa why do you think he takes the baby on all those long trips it's so he can drink and sober up before driving home you can't be trusted alone with her you need to call him out on it oh please they raised this fool now they wanna hand you the job of fixing him nah sir y'all created the monster don't be acting brand new I realized then I needed childcare while I worked because this no more they got home safe thank God I ignored his drunk ass just put the baby to bed the next day she had some congestion he texted me about it took her to the doctor updated me then he had the nerve to message me about the game I texted back I'm disappointed furious he'd put her life at risk I told him he'd lost my trust and that we'd arrange a new schedule my mom would watch her Wednesdays his mom Thursdays and just like that he barely had responsibility anymore exactly what he liked meanwhile he's acting nice swearing he's done drinking blah blah blah one Thursday he disappears with the baby I panic flashbacks to the baseball game come to my head my chest is tight then he Facetimes me pushing the stroller baby holding a Louis Vuitton bag the hell he never bought me anything every designer piece I owned I bought myself my Cartier Love bracelet Mother's Day gift to myself when he found out he freaked out stopped making his car payment and told me to take over since I had money to waste but suddenly a Louis Vuitton bag he hands it to the baby and she gives it to me with a kiss inside a black epi leather wallet pretty expensive out of nowhere just a little gift he said for being such a great mom we wanted to show you how much we love you child nothing says sorry I almost killed our baby with a DUI like a guilt wallet that's not love that's hush money my birthday was coming up but I told him all I wanted was a nice dinner I picked a steakhouse made the reservation myself his parents agreed to watch the baby the weekend before he had to get together with his so called best friends from college took them and their families to brunch I didn't go I didn't want to plus I had to take my mom to the airport but I told him I'd meet them later then my mom calls she missed her flight went to the wrong gate fell asleep classic mom but now it affects our plans I call him to tell him expecting an explosion instead slight disappointment nothing he could do so I drive over later to pick up the baby they're all sitting around chatting two of the guys brought their wives introductions made and right in front of everyone the mother of his best friend looks at me then at him and says how did you get her then turns to me how the hell do you deal with this asshole now that's the realest thing anyone said all night even his old crew knew he was trash I laughed it off but inside I thought exactly they knew the real him I stayed a little then took the baby home he told me he'd stay the night there fine by me better drunk there than driving home

but sure enough 2 or 3: 25:04

00am he drove an hour drunk anyway typical the next day he was distant cold I apologized just to keep the peace then he started in on my mom calling her irresponsible for missing her flight saying she inconvenienced him I had to defend her but quickly gave up nothing was gonna change his stance so I changed the subject I told him I'd take the baby to the beach with my mom and a friend let him relax we had fun at the beach laughing playing then the texts were starting wish I would have been invited I called him I could hear the music the background noise he was drinking again I texted you can't be left alone without getting drunk the fuck and there it is he's not lonely he's just loyal to the liquor store I was boiling he replied I'm home cooking steaks while you're out with the love of your life and the baby you need to assess who your priority is and it's not me back and forth we went then his final message just be mad and let that cloud all of your thinking I called him he answered slurring told me he wanted to be dead said he was going to hang himself I froze I called his mother immediately I told her he'd been drinking that he threatened suicide told her I was exhausted from his behavior asked her to reach out the rest of my beach day was ruined I tried to hide it but I know my mom and friends saw the shift in my face when we finally drove home my mom got in her car and I went inside alone first my heart pounding I was terrified what would I find would he be hanging hurt but no he was passed out in his man cave snoring and I hate to admit it but part of me felt disappointed but I shook it off got the baby settled and we went to bed the coming week was my birthday I've always loved birthdays how can you not to me it's a blessing to grow older because so many don't get the chance I was excited ready to get cute for myself definitely not for him for me the day comes we drop the baby at his parents house I walk in dressed up feeling myself and the first thing I hear is a whistle followed by his father saying wow you look good Vanessa very pretty not that you don't usually look pretty I laughed and said oh my it's so nice to finally get a compliment from a man I share a last name with up tell me you're starved for bare minimum affection without telling me his parents looked at each other surprised his dad turned to him you didn't compliment your wife on how beautiful she looks and Mister Charming without missing a beat says I thought it and I was trying to figure out the right time to say it the right time to say your wife looks good I rolled my eyes told him let's go we we get to the steakhouse elegant candlelit gorgeous I order a cab to pair with my steak the waiter recommended one we both get a glass we have light conversation things actually feel calm dinner comes it's perfect we even order dessert for a moment I think maybe this will be nice then the check comes he opens it scoffs and says 50 bucks for a glass of wine PSH on the way to the car he says that Bill was $400 that's not fucking happening again sir$400 on your wife's birthday and you acting like you financed a yacht sit down tears stung my eyes the entire ride back I held them in I didn't want to give him the satisfaction we pulled in his parents driveway and I bolted out of the car walked inside his mother asked how was dinner and I couldn't fake it I said he ruined it he got upset over the Bill and told me it wouldn't happen again his mother looked at his father Mr Charming walked in behind me and headed straight to the bathroom to shit out his two hundred dollar steak his father shook his head what did he expect it's a fancy steakhouse that was it for me the tears welled up I asked for the baby and said let's go I sat in the back with her while he drove aggressively all the way home I said nothing just happy fucking birthday to me and there it was Vanessa sitting in the back seat with her baby girl while Mister Charming drove aggressively through the night silent broken all she could do was think happy fucking birthday to me and that my loves is where we're pressing pause on this story because before we go any further we need to break down what we just heard the gaslighting the alcohol fueled chaos the suicide threats the guilt gifts the public disrespect these aren't random they're patterns of abuse so next week episode 8 we're gonna do a full breakdown I'm gonna walk you through each of those patterns why abusers use them and what it does to you and how you can protect yourself if you're living with this right now trust me Queen it's not just about Vanessa's story it's about helping you recognize the same red flags in your own life until then remember you're not crazy you're not too sensitive and you're definitely not alone and I'll see you next week for the breakdown goodbye