4) How to Spot a Narcissist Before They Destroy Your Peace

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keywords

red flags, love bombing, gaslighting, boundary pushing, financial control, isolation tactics, relationship advice, self-worth, empowerment, emotional manipulation

summary

In this episode of 'Fuck Your Fake Apology', Crystal Amoah delves into the psychology of red flags in relationships, focusing on tactics like love bombing, gaslighting, boundary pushing, financial control, and isolation. She emphasizes the importance of recognizing these manipulative behaviors to protect oneself and maintain self-worth. The conversation encourages listeners to trust their instincts, set boundaries, and seek relationships built on respect and mutual support.

takeaways

• Love bombing is designed to hook you quickly.
• Micro insults erode confidence over time.
• Gaslighting makes you question your own reality.
• Setting boundaries is crucial in any relationship.
• Financial control is a tactic used for manipulation.
• Isolation tactics can cut you off from support.
• Real love should expand your world, not shrink it.
• Trust your gut feelings about red flags.
• You deserve respect and mutual support in relationships.
• Empower yourself by recognizing and naming manipulative tactics.

titles
How to Spot a Narcissist Before They Destroy Your Peace

Sound Bites

• "Trust your own memory, your emotions are valid."
• "Keep your eyes open for those red flags."

Chapters

00:00
Introduction to Red Flags in Relationships

03:13
Understanding Love Bombing

06:10
The Dangers of Gaslighting

09:02
Boundary Pushing and Control

12:11
Financial Control and Independence

14:08
Isolation Tactics in Relationships

Transcript

Crystal Amoah (00:00)
Queens welcome to Fuck Your Fake Apology. If you are tuning in for episode four then you already know we're on a serious journey together. Last time I took you through let's call it unusual experience of Vanessa's wedding day and all of the not so glamorous moments that followed. Today though we're shifting gears just a bit.

We're diving into the psychology behind those red flags I mentioned so that you don't have to learn the hard way like Vanessa and many of us had to. This episode isn't just about telling you to watch out, it's about breaking down these mind games one tactic at a time. We're gonna talk about love bombing again, gaslighting again, boundary pushing again, and financial control and even the art of isolation. You know, all of this stuff that...

on the surface doesn't always scream danger, but under the surface, you know, it kind of.

But you know, all of the stuff that on the surface doesn't always scream danger, but under the surface, it's there, all right. So grab your tea, wine, or weed. Once again, no judgment here. And let's get into it. Because once you spot these tactics, you'll know exactly when to walk away and keep walking. So love bombing. The honeymoon that isn't real. All right.

First up, love bombing. Now love bombing isn't just what they do to sweep you off your feet fast. Picture this, they're hitting you with constant texts, planning grand dates, telling you you're the one I've always wanted to meet. I could see us going so far together. Girl, you're two weeks in and he's talking about marriage. Sound familiar? Here's the thing, love bombing feels incredible because it's designed to. It's not real, it's not meant to get you.

It's not real, but it's meant to get you hooked. And we talked about this on our previous education. They're setting up this fairy tale, but trust me, once you're invested, the fairy tale flips into a nightmare. Mr. Charming, from Vanessa's story, he was a master of this. He made her feel like she was the most special woman on earth. And she fell for it, because who doesn't want to feel adored? But now we know.

Love doesn't need to be rushed in and take over your life in a week. Real love builds over time. We talked about this last week. So if you feel like someone's turning up the intensity way too soon, that's a red flag. It's just waving once again. It's not a bouquet of roses. Okay, girl, it's bait. And once they got you hooked, that's when the mask starts slipping off.

So here's where things get tricky. Those little jabs they throw in, wrapped up in a compliment or disguise as a joke is the art of subtle eroding our confidence. These micro insults are like poison in a sugar-coated pill. You're on a date and they said something like, wow, I didn't expect you to be so knowledgeable about that. Excuse me, like what? Did you just say I don't seem smart enough?

They'll even laugh it off with a, come on, it's just a joke. But it's not just a joke, it's a test. Over time, these jokes pile up and you start questioning yourself. You wonder, am I overreacting? And no, you're not overreacting. These micro insults are meant to make you second guess yourself to make you feel like you're not enough. And Mr. Charming used to throw these comments in a

You know, at first, you know, she would brush them off. But after a while, these little comments are chipping away. And trust me, if you're someone, if someone is constantly making you feel small, that's not love. That's manipulation. These, you know, these insults are designed to make you feel off balance. It's like they're testing your boundaries. They want to see how much they can get away.

And once they know that they can get under your skin and keep... And once they know they can get under your skin, they keep going. So here's a takeaway. Just trust your gut. If it feels like an insult, it most likely is. And you're allowed to speak up. I want you to speak up. Tell them, that wasn't funny. Or actually, that's not okay. You don't have to laugh it off like many of us did.

Stand your ground because little by little those insults add up and they will do some serious damage to your self confidence.

Okay, now I could do a whole episode on gaslighting. We've talked about this last week because it's that common and that damaging. Let me tell you, if there's one tactic these folks have perfected, it's this. Gaslighting is like they've got you questioning your own reality. They say something hurtful or do something messed up. And then when you bring it up, they'll hit you with what? I never said that.

or you're just overreacting. Next thing you know, you're doubting yourself. One of the biggest gaslighting moments with our story, you know, with Vanessa is when she called out Mr. Charming on his behavior at their wedding. And he said, you're just overreacting. Stress from the wedding planning. I didn't tackle you.

One of the biggest gaslighting moments with our story is when Vanessa called out Mr. Charming on his behavior at their wedding. And he said, you're just overreacting. Stress from the wedding planning. I didn't tackle you. Just stop. She snapped back with, uh, no, I'm not crazy. I know what happened. You know, so this is another conversation we had in confidence. And it's an example.

Maybe you bring up something that hurt you and they go, come on, I was just joking. You're being so sensitive. Or they'll deny something that they did, knowing they did, you know, to make you feel like you're the crazy one. And it's infuriating. And it's all designed to keep you confused and make you doubt yourself. And that's what they do. They make you question yourself so much that you end up dropping the topic.

or you end up apologizing to them. So here's your armor. Trust your own memory. Keep a journal if you need to. Write things down because gaslighting is like mental gymnastics. Your emotions are valid and don't let anyone convince you otherwise. If you're feeling like you're constantly defending your reality, it's time to peace out and walk away. Okay? So when we have to work with boundary pushing and testing limits,

You know, boundaries is a big thing. We all need them. And a good partner respects them. But a narcissist? They'll push every limit you set. They'll ask for big things too soon or they'll test how much you're willing to bend. It's like, why don't we just combine finances? Just after a few months or why don't you just move in with me?

It's all about getting closer. They're kind of close where they're kind of close is where they control the narrative. And when Vanessa let Mr. Charming into her house, it didn't take long before he was acting like he owned the place. Even down to innocent things like suggesting changes to her decor, reorganizing the kitchen. She didn't see it then, but now she gets it. We all do. He was seeing how far he could go, how much, you know, control he could have. So here's the takeaway.

You have to hold those boundaries. If it feels rushed or like it's too much, it most likely is. A partner who respects you will respect your boundaries, period.

And then let's talk about the money, right? So financial control, we all know money talks and manipulation walks, I don't know. financial control is one of the sneakiest ways a narcissist will try to keep you close. They bring up joint accounts, try to get you to share finances or even in Miss Vanessa's case, talk to you about adding them to something major like.

It's all about leverage. If they control the money or have a stake in your assets, it's much harder for you to peace out and leave. Vanessa learned the hard way when Mr. Charming ended up on her deed. It felt like this big relationship step, but it wasn't about trust. It was about power. It gave him power in ways she didn't fully understand until later. And money is power. We all know that.

and keeping it separate is a way to keeping your independence. So don't be pressured into giving up your financial freedom. If they love you, they'll respect that independence. Protect your assets because financial stability is part of your power, okay? So let's make sure we educate ourselves on that, okay? And isolation tactics is another big thing that...

We witnessed you know cutting you off from your circle is is one sneaky thing y'all Isolation they'll start by making subtle digs at your friends or family saying things like I don't get why you spend so much time with them or They'll make it awkward when you want to hang out with people You that you know that mean a lot to you before you know it you're seeing them less and you're relying more and more on the narcissist in Vanessa's story. Mr. Charming made every family event

You know, an ordeal. He'd find ways to pick fights or act like he was doing her a favor by showing up. These are other things that she, you know, disclosed to me in confidence. And then we know about her friend, her assistant. It got to a point where she'd second guess inviting people over her house and inviting him to anything just to avoid the drama. And here's what I want you to remember. You know, if something really, if here's what I want you to remember.

If someone really cares about you, they'll support your connections, not cut them off. It's about making you more dependent on them. And the scary part is you might not even notice it happening until it's too late. You know, if you feel like you're losing connections with people who matter, take a step back and look at who's really creating that distance. Real love expands your world. It doesn't shrink it. Okay, so.

We've covered a lot today and I hope some of this hit home for you. We've covered a lot today. Alright queens, we covered a lot today and I hope some of this hit home for you. Here's the bottom line. You are worth so much more than someone's manipulations, broken promises, and micro insults. You deserve a relationship built on respect, trust, and mutual support.

So keep your eyes open for those red flags and don't let anyone convince you to settle for less than what you deserve. And once you can name these tactics, you're already halfway to protecting yourself. And remember, we're in this together, we're learning, we're growing, and we're not letting anyone's fake apologies or sweet talk stand in our way. You are powerful, you are enough, and you don't need anyone else to define your worth, okay? So thank you so much for joining me today.

Until next time, take care of yourself, keep that crown on straight, and don't let anyone tell you who you are. Remember to subscribe, share this with anyone who needs to hear it, and let's keep building this community because we're not just surviving these stories, we are going to fucking rewrite them and come out strong as hell. Until next time, have a good evening.