1) Love Bombs & Red Flags: The Man Who Seemed Perfect

Not sure if he's a narcissist? Download the Red Flag checklist to find out.

https://subscribepage.io/ETXiLU

Disclaimer: F**k Your Fake Apology* is intended for educational and informational purposes only. The content of this podcast is based on personal experiences, psychological insights, and general knowledge about narcissistic abuse and toxic relationships. This podcast is NOT a substitute for professional therapy, legal, or medical advice. If you are in an abusive situation, please seek support from a licensed professional or a trusted resource.

Some topics discussed may be triggering. Listener discretion is advised. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please reach out to a crisis hotline or emergency services. Your safety and well-being are the top priority.

This podcast includes storytelling inspired by real experiences, but names, locations, and details have been changed for privacy and creative purposes. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

© [2025] Unapologetic Living LLC. All rights reserved. Unauthorized reproduction, distribution, or use of any part of this podcast without express written permission is strictly prohibited.

keywords
narcissism, manipulation, love bombing, relationships, empowerment, mental health, red flags, emotional abuse, self-worth, healing

summary
In this episode of 'F**k Your Fake Apology', Crystal Amoah introduces the podcast's mission to expose charmers, manipulators, and covert narcissists in relationships. The story of Vanessa unfolds, detailing her journey through the complexities of love, manipulation, and the red flags she encountered. Crystal shares Vanessa's own experiences with societal pressures, online dating, and the initial excitement of meeting Mr. Charming, who later reveals controlling behaviors. The episode emphasizes the importance of recognizing red flags and reclaiming personal power in relationships.

takeaways

• The podcast aims to empower listeners against manipulators.
• Vanessa's story illustrates the dangers of charm and manipulation.
• Societal pressures can lead to feelings of unfulfillment in relationships.
• Online dating can be filled with unexpected challenges.
• Initial attraction can sometimes mask deeper issues.
• Recognizing red flags is crucial for emotional safety.
• Love bombing is a tactic used to gain control.
• It's easy to overlook warning signs when infatuated.
• Self-worth should not be tied to someone else's validation.
• Community support is vital for healing and growth.

titles
Chapters

00:00
Introduction to the Podcast and Its Purpose

05:15
The Pressure of Societal Expectations

12:55
Meeting Mr. Charming

18:26
Red Flags in the Relationship

31:12
The Illusion of Perfection and Control

Transcript

Crystal Amoah (00:00)
You ever look back at a relationship and think, damn, I really survived that shit. Welcome to Fuck Your Fake Apology, the podcast where we air out the lies, expose the red flags, and help you reclaim your power from narcissist abuse. I'm Crystal, your guide, your storyteller, and if we're being honest, your survivor's manual for navigating toxic relationships and coming out.

other side stronger than ever. You see, I was once caught up in that perfect love story until I realized it was just a perfectly disguised nightmare. And if you've ever been gaslit, manipulated, or left questioning your own reality, trust me, sis, you're in the right place. Here, we're telling the raw, unfiltered truth about love.

heartbreak and the messy road to healing. Some stories will make you laugh, some will piss you off, and some, well, they'll have you packing a bag and calling a lawyer. And just when you think it can't get any crazier, my girl Maxine is gonna swoop in with the tea, because every good story needs a narrator who sees through the BS. So whether you're in the thick of it, just got out.

are simply here to sip tea and take notes? Buckle up. Healing is messy. Growth is uncomfortable. But freedom, baby, that shit is worth it. Welcome to Fuck Your Fake Apology. Let's get into it. You ever have one of those moments where you realize dating in this era is actually a sick joke? Like, the universe is just sitting back, sipping wine.

watching us suffer for entertainment? Yeah, that was me scrolling through messages on match.com, just trying to find a decent human being. And then I get this message, normal stuff, right? Hey, what do you like to do for fun? Favorite cuisine, blah, blah, blah. I respond thinking, I'm talking to a grown ass man with a shred of sense, but then.

Ladies, I kid you not.

This man, unprovoked, tells me he wears weights around his balls. Excuse me, sir, come again? You ever read something so outrageous you just freeze? Like your brain literally malfunctions? Cause same, mine did. My fingers hovered over the screen like there's no way in hell I just read that correctly.

But, I did. And what did I do next? I did what any sane woman would do. I ran straight to my third best friend, Google. And baby, the things I found, disturbing. I laughed for 10 minutes straight, sent a screenshot to my best friend, laughed some more, and then blocked his ass.

And this ladies is where my dating journey began. Hey, Queens and warriors. Welcome to Fuck Your Fake Apology, the podcast that's here to call out the charmers, manipulators and covert narcissists who've turned love into a twisted game. I'm Crystal, a psychiatric nurse practitioner with years of experience in mental health. And I've seen firsthand how these personalities

operate. How they swoop in with charm only to leave you questioning everything. This season I'm telling the story of Vanessa, first person. She's a successful driven woman who thought she found her forever. He was charming, attentive, and made her feel like she was the center of his world. But

Behind that perfect mask, there was a darker reality. And little by little, Vanessa found herself trapped in a cycle of manipulation, gaslighting, and isolation. Each episode, we will unravel Vanessa's journey from the red flags that went unseen to the emotional scars that slowly surfaced. Along the way, I'll be breaking down the psychology

the patterns and the tactics that narcissists use with insights that can help you spot and avoid similar situations. This isn't just storytelling, it's empowerment. If you've ever felt alone, gaslit or unsure if you were just too sensitive, overreacting or just too much, you're in the right place.

because every episode we're breaking down the cliches and hitting straight with advice that moves you from heartbreak to healing. So tighten up your crown ladies and let's get started because darling, it's not just about moving on. It's about taking back the life and love you deserve. And remember no more.

fake apologies, just real growth. So grab your tea, wine or weed and let's do this. It's 2019 and Vanessa was on top of the world, a successful career, a beautiful home, a luxury car, and yet something was missing. Cue the ticking clock of society, whispering, where's your man? Your kids? Time's running out. But how

Quickly that taking turns into a siren when you're about to meet Mister Charming. And ladies, buckle up because this ride is about to get bumpy. It's 2019 and there I was feeling that pressure. You know the one I'm talking about. The one where society tells you it's time to find that special someone, settle down, start popping out those kids. And of course,

We can't forget our moms who are in our ears about wanting to be a grandmother, but at the same time saying, don't rush into anything too soon.

Except I was single and the dating scene was, well let's just say it was less than stellar. But deep down, I started imagining my life with a husband and loved ones. I would see young couples with babies that looked so happy and I yearned for that. I wanted to be a wife and a mom. I have the best mother and I wanted to be someone's other half and mommy too. At this time or point in my life,

I felt I had made it. All my prayers were being answered. The hard work and schooling was paying off. I had the great career as a software engineer, purchased my first home, a 2,700 square foot beauty in Pacific Heights by myself. I had my dream car, a Porsche. Your girl was living her best life. But I f-

I kind of felt unfulfilled because I didn't have my person to share it with. I mean, I had my parents and my best friend, but I wanted more if that makes sense. the familiar feeling of having it all, but somehow still feeling like there's a piece missing. Vanessa had the career, the house and the Porsche to match. But what she didn't have yet, a husband. And in this world, Queens, that's when the search begins.

often in the least expected places.

Give it a shot. See, at this point in my life, I enjoyed being home, literally, Netflixing and chilling, with some wine or little bit of cannabis. Hee hee, my form of self-care. That was my happy place. But anyway, there I was, signing up for Match.com. Yep, I went for the one you actually had to pay for because I figured, hey, maybe I'll find someone who's as serious.

as I am about finding something real because I'd heard the horror stories about Bumble and Tinder. online dating. The virtual jungle where every profile is a trap, every message a potential red flag. And what's the one thing everyone's searching for? The elusive real deal. Vanessa thought she'd found a shortcut by paying for Match.com. But as any seasoned queen knows,

Sometimes even the high road leads to trouble. So I did it. I joined match.com.

Shit. Online dating is a crazy world. You have the fuckboys and the nasty old men commenting on pictures and sending me all these weird private messages. It got so bad that I had to add to my profile, if you are old enough to be my father or grandfather, don't you dare contact me. I was wrong about thinking there'd be more serious people there. I believe it's the same people from the apps I was afraid of.

I realized there's a significant amount of people with some serious issues. Example, there was this guy that messaged me a few times asking me the typical dating app questions. You know, like what you enjoy doing on your spare time, favorite cuisine, normal things. And I answered them. I guess he liked my responses and immediately thought it would be appropriate to tell me he wore.

weights on his balls.

What? I ran to my third best friend, google.com, and laughed for 10 minutes straight, told my best friend about it, and then laughed some more and blocked his ass.

yes, the creep filter. But not even the best profile disclaimer could protect Vanessa from what was about to come her way. I talked with a few more guys on there, and I honed in on two.

you know, got to know them briefly.

One was cute, so cute, worked out. We talked on the phone a little before meeting in person. Conversation was a little dry, but I figured it would be different in person. We decided to meet up and went to Sam's chowder house. Here he is pulling up in his sport Jaguar and me and my Porsche checking out each other's cars. I'm a car person, so I like tis. I digress. So anyway, I'm looking so cute.

I'm wearing an army green bodycon, so things are popping in all the right places. At this time, I was at my peak in my strength training, so my body was fire. And he was looking pretty good too. He clearly worked out and it showed. And he had these beautiful blue eyes, ugh, and tatted arms. I'm a sucker for muscular arms that are tatted. So we sat down, ordered.

and started chatting. Boring! He had absolutely no personality whatsoever. I really tried thinking maybe he was just nervous or shy, but nope. I guess he was used to women being stuck on his looks and got away with being dry as hell. I just wasn't one of those women, so we pretty much had our meal in silence.

I remember chewing my food and looking around him, looking at the scenery of the restaurant and other couples looking happily engaged in conversation. What the hell were they talking about anyway? Had to be better than what I wasn't talking about. Such an awkward, awkward situation. After the meal, we hugged and went our separate ways. He did reach out, but I didn't really engage much and it ended up fizzing out.

Now let me tell you about my second match. We'll call him Mr. Charming for now because boy did he seem like the whole package at first. He was witty, had a stable job and seemed genuinely interested in what I had to say, which let me tell you was refreshing. We would chat and text all the time. Mind you, this was occurring simultaneously with let's call him Mr. Boring.

felt like we had so much in common as far as our career, family, and future goals. So I thought.

He was always texting, always checking in, always making me feel like I was the most important person in the world. And of course, that felt, well, amazing. He catered to me in ways no one had before. And I remember thinking, damn, maybe this might be something.

Let's be honest, who doesn't love a little flattery? But here's the catch, queens. When someone is too attentive, too available, it's usually not because they're madly in love. It's because they're trying to make you forget about one tiny inconvenient truth. You're being played. So our first date, we met at a cute Italian restaurant called Parasito.

and we talked for hours. It wasn't just small talk either. We dove deep. Our dreams, our fears, the things that made us tick, and the craziest thing happened. He started telling me about his family and how one of his aunts was an attorney for tech company in the past. She had since retired. He was describing her as super eccentric and the fact that she had a signature lipstick she'd worn forever. His family thought she was

because of how she wore it.

Here's where things get spooky, because sometimes the world is smaller than you think, and the people you meet, they're closer to your past than you realize. So I asked him, for the story's sake of course, no real names, right? So we'll call her Stacey. I goes, your aunt named Stacey? And he looked at me like I was crazy. And he goes, yeah. And I told him I briefly worked with her when I first started at my company, and she was one hell of an attorney and woman.

She gave absolutely no shits what people thought of her and told me to do the same. I always thought though she was an unmedicated lady with bipolar disorder. She always wore this bright pink or bright red lipstick that was always around her lips and not really on her lips and never really matched her outfit. But she was always super nice and helpful. So I didn't really care.

Or fate? Either way, it didn't matter. What did matter was the way this little connection would keep Vanessa hooked just a little longer. But don't be fooled, ladies. The past has a way of coming back to haunt us in the strangest ways. We continued chatting and eating. It was obvious there was a connection. And we were just really enjoying our time together. It did have to come to an end.

He told me he had a dog that he had to get home to. I was a little disappointed, but I understood. He walks me to my car and kisses me, like a legit tongue kiss, and I was not expecting that at all. I remember pulling away because I felt a little uncomfortable with that kiss. It was intense. A little too intense, actually. But I brushed it off. I mean, who doesn't want a man who's really into you, right? I figured...

hey, maybe he's just passionate. I walked away from that date thinking, maybe, just maybe, this could be something. He had this way of looking at me that made me feel like I was the only woman in the world. And let's be real, who doesn't want to feel like that? But looking back, I realized that intensity might have been a red flag.

But at the time I was excited. I ignored the gut feeling that said, hold up, something's off. They say hindsight is 20-20, but when you're deep in middle of it, love can be blinding. Vanessa had all the signs. Intensity, the fast moves, the feeling of something being just a little off. But when someone wants you to see the shiny object, it's because they're hiding the cracks underneath. Let's keep going.

This story's just getting started.

kind of a coward move and he did read it to me. It was straightforward and nice but I certainly wouldn't want someone breaking up with me in an email.

So things progressed quickly from there. We were texting all day every day. He was calling me in the mornings to say good morning, checking in throughout the day to see how I was doing. And honestly, I was eating it up. I'd never had someone pay this much attention to me before, that I could recall at least, and it felt good. I felt seen, appreciated. I thought, this is what it's supposed to feel like, right?

We are now spending a lot of time together on the weekends with little cute dates. One day, I decided to invite him to my house. I'll never forget his face when I opened the door for him and his dog. A look of disbelief, like he couldn't believe it was mine. But it was all mine.

full of my hard work and tears from dealing with contractors from hell. But I made them feel at home even though he looked uncomfortable.

Not long after, I believe it was early September when he asked me to attend a wedding. It was the wedding of the son of his parents' close friend. What? Less than two months in and he wants me to meet his entire family? I remember telling my mom about it because I didn't want to go. I just thought it was too soon. But he assured me his family knew about me and wanted to meet me.

and I agree to go.

yes, the family introduction, a fast track to commitment. Or at least it seems like it. But here's a little secret, Queens. When a narcissist introduces you to their family early, it's not about connection. It's about control. The sooner you feel accepted, the harder it is to leave. The wedding, it was fine. We had fun. We danced.

had some champagne and chatted with his family. They seemed nice. Everything felt perfect. But of course, things weren't perfect and I should have known. Not long after that was a two week trip planned for my mother's birthday. We went to Europe. I was super excited. Even though I was halfway across the world, he was still texting me constantly, checking in, asking how things were going. And at first,

It felt sweet. But of course, something happened. I don't remember the exact context, but it had to do with him asking me what the people are like, and I said something along the lines of, the men here are very forward. They were hitting on me. I didn't say it to make him jealous or anything, but it was the truth. But then he got upset over something I felt was nothing, and I remember thinking, why are you getting so upset?

I'm on vacation but again I brushed it off.

I was like, maybe he's just stressed. Maybe he just missed me. Jealousy, the silent killer of relationships. It starts small, but grows like a weed. One day it's a little common about other men. The next, you're walking on eggshells, afraid to say anything that might trigger their insecurity. And that's when the real game begins. But no, that was the control starting to creep in.

What a fucking fool I was. The rest of the trip went well. He was back to his normal self and when I returned home, things went to how they were.

These are the kinds of things we miss when we're caught up in the excitement of a new relationship. Little by little, they chip away at you. And that's how it happens. Slowly, almost imperceptibly. Until one day, you're not even sure who you are anymore. You're just trying to keep the peace. But peace, Queens, it's not supposed to feel like walking on broken glass. Mr. Charming met my mother a few times.

And they seem to get along well. He was very respectful and seemed to enjoy his interaction with her. So I made the decision to introduce him to my dad. My dad and his wife were doing this amazing thing where they cooked for the homeless every Sunday. So I invited him to join us one weekend. I thought this will be the perfect way for them to meet in a low-pressured environment. And you know what? It went great.

He was charming, polite, and super into the whole idea of helping. My dad was indifferent, but he didn't not like him. And I thought, okay, this is a good sign. He was fitting in with my family. Mind you, he was the second person I'd ever dated to be introduced to my father. So it was a big deal for me. Of course he fit in. Narcissists are experts at making good first impressions.

They know exactly what to say, how to act, who to impress. But here's the real tea. It's not about the connection. It's about making sure everyone around you believes they're perfect. That way, when the cracks start to show, no one will believe you. But then there was the dinner. It was one of my best friend's birthday and I invited him along to meet my oldest friend for his birthday.

I noticed him drinking and gradually becoming the loudest person in our section of the restaurant.

Now this is where things start to feel... off. We're all sitting around the dinner table at a Michelin star restaurant having a great time. And out of nowhere, he turns to my best friend and says, How many of Vanessa's boyfriends have you met? Am I the best one yet? Yikes. Talk about awkward. But here's the thing. Narcissists love to test boundaries. It's like a game for them.

The more uncomfortable they can make you, the more control they have. And the best part, they'll make you feel like you're the one who's overreacting. I was mortified. Like, what? Why would he say something like that? My friend just looked at him like, what's your deal? And said, what happened in the past is between me and my bestie. And he laughed it off. I was so embarrassed.

But I laughed it off because I didn't want to make it awkward. On the way home though, being the person I am, I had to say something. I brought it up to him and he brushed it off saying, I was just joking. Come on, don't be so serious. I was so annoyed, but of course I pushed that thought aside because everything else felt so good. I let it go, but I knew he was wrong for what he did.

he crossed the boundary and tried to make me feel irrational for bringing it up. yes. The classic, it's just a joke defense. But here's a pro tip, Queens. If something feels wrong, it is wrong. Don't let anyone make you feel crazy for trusting your instincts. Because trust me, those little jokes, they're not so funny when they're part of a bigger plan. Because at that point,

I was still in the haze of love bombing. I was still convincing myself that this was all normal. But looking back, that was another red flag. He was crossing boundaries, making me uncomfortable. And when I called him out on it, he gaslighted me. And that, Queens, was just the beginning of the manipulation. Little did I know this was just the beginning. So here's the thing.

Those early signs of the relationship when everything seems so exciting, it's easy to brush off the red flags. You want it to work. You want to believe that you finally found someone who gets you, who's different from the rest. And that's exactly where I was. Looking back now, it's clear as day. The constant texting, the over the top compliments, the boundary crossing questions. That wasn't him being enthusiastic. That was love bombing.

But when you're in it, you don't see it for what it is. You tell yourself, he's just into me. That's all. He's just excited. And that's what I did. I ignored the little voice in the back of my mind that was saying, this feels a little too much, a little too soon. Love bombing? One of the narcissist's most dangerous weapons. It's all fireworks and roses at first, but underneath,

It's a ticking time bomb. And when it explodes, let's just say the fallout is messy. But let me tell you this. When someone's moving that fast, it's not because they're falling in love. It's because they're trying to gain control. The sooner they get you hooked, the sooner they can start to manipulate you.

And that's what happened. It didn't take long for Mr. Charming to start showing his true colors. And by the time I realized it, I was already in too deep. It's wild to look back now and see all the signs I missed. And I know many can relate to this. When you're in the middle of it, when someone's giving you that attention you've been craving, it's easier to overlook the red flags. You want to believe that it's real, that you finally found someone who sees you, who gets you.

But the truth is, when someone's coming on that strong, it's not love, it's control. They're trying to lock you in, to make you dependent on them. And that's what happened to me. So that's where it all started for me. What seemed like a fairy tale quickly revealed its cracks, but we're just getting started. The red flags were waving, but I wasn't ready to see them. I was still caught up in the whirlwind of attention, affection, and the illusion of perfection.

And trust me, once you're in their world, it's not easy to get out. But we're not there yet, Queens. That was just the beginning of Vanessa's story of Mr. Turming. Next week, we're diving deeper into the whole concept of love bombing. What it is, how it works and why it's so damn dangerous. Because trust me, it's not just about the grand gestures or the nonstop attention. It's about control, manipulation.

and pulling you into their world before you even realize what's happening. We're going to break down the psychology behind it and I'll be sharing more of Vanessa's experiences to show you just how sneaky it can be. And if you're in a relationship where you're feeling that constant pressure to prove yourself, where the person is just a little too perfect in the beginning, girl, you need to listen in.

Because it's not what it seems, obviously. Remember, you're not in this alone. We've all been there. We've all ignored the red flags at some point in our lives. But together, we're learning to recognize them, call them out, and reclaim our power. Until next time, queens, stay strong, stay bold, and remember, your worth is not determined by anyone's fake apology.

You deserve better, so much better. And I'll catch you next week for the next part of this wild ride. If you felt this episode resonated with you or you feel somebody else can benefit from it, share it with a fellow queen. Leave a review. Let's keep building this amazing community because we're not just survivors, we are thrivers.

Until next time, take care of yourselves and remember, we're in this together ladies.